[00:00:00] I don't wanna just bump along anymore. I want to make sure that I am steering my life in the direction of joy as much as possible.
And that's something that needs to be intentional, and that's why I'm recording this podcast,
Hey guys, welcome back to How It's Really Going with Shana Recker, and today I wanna share about two situations that happened to me in the last couple of weeks that really made me think about the things that I really want more of in my life, and then the things that I want less of. And I think this happens to us at this age, this, in a couple weeks I'll be 51, and I feel like I really need to be and want to be, , just way more intentional in my life about the things that I'm doing.
And , not that everything needs to be, sunshine and rainbows and, and you know, full of crazy amounts of joy, even though that's technically the goal, is [00:01:00] to do things that, light you up and that make you happy. We still do need to be adults, and we have to be responsible, and there's lots of things that we don't, like to do, but we have to do.
But these two situations really highlighted to me- the things that I need more of and the things that I need less of. So the first thing is, , I had a situation, as you guys know, I'm an entrepreneur, I work for myself, , and I had this potential client reach out to me. We had a call. She needed some technical things done.
It wasn't totally the work that I do, but I figured I, I could figure it out. I'm pretty technical, and she was willing to pay, like, whatever rate, like she was willing to pay premium prices for me to do this. And it was an ongoing thing where every month I would do these like tech things for her.
And to be honest, I said yes because the money really. I was like, "Well, this looks like something easily that I could fit in between jobs and, , it's good money and, like, yeah, I'll figure it out." But the [00:02:00] minute that we made the agreement, like it wasn't a written agreement, it was just verbal and I was just like, "Yeah, okay, I'll help you out."
And I said, "Let's try it for 30 days," basically is what I said, "and we'll go from there." So anywho, she started sending me the work and the minute she, the minute that I opened the files and the minute that I started, , doing the things, my whole body went into like the, the... I could feel it in my, my bones that this was not for me.
Like that I was not going to enjoy this, that I, this was just not, not for me. And I, it was like a visceral feeling and I started to kind of panic because I was like, "Oh, I've, I've already promised this person that I was gonna do this, and I don't wanna leave her hanging." And, , I just felt bad and then I was like, "No, I have to do this 'cause I said I would."
And there was so much stuff going on. This was like a f- I talked to her on a Thursday, this was Friday I started feeling like this, and then Saturday I could still feel like, "Oh no, I just, I know this isn't [00:03:00] for me. I have to get out of this somehow." And I talked to my husband about it and he was just like, "You know, if it's not for you, you just need to tell her it's not for you and you know, it's, that's her thing that she needs to figure out, not yours."
And I could feel like the people pleaser in me wanting to just solve this problem for her, like even to the point where I was like, "I need to find somebody else to do this for her," 'cause because I just, I had made a commitment, a loose commitment, I will be honest, but a commitment. And I felt like I had to solve this for her.
And then I was like, I had to take a minute and be like, "No, this is not my problem." One, I, uh, I, I didn't get the full picture from her on the call. Like she- told me what the work was, but she left out a lot of details, and when I started doing it, I realized, like, there was a lot more to it than she had let on.
So that was one thing. But I also just was like, "No, I don't want to do this. This is not the work that lights me up. This is not the work that I'm meant to be [00:04:00] doing." And I feel like when we take on things that we know we shouldn't do, like, that aren't... that it's not the work that we want, we close ourselves off for the work that we do want.
So by me taking on this, this work, I've now reduced my capacity for the work that I do love. I also had to remind myself of that. Like, the energy that this is gonna s- suck out of my life is not worth it when I could be spending that time doing something that I love, whether it be some work that I love or spending time with my kids or whatever, you know?
Just anything other than soul-sucking work. And this lady was lovely. It wasn't, it wasn't anything against her or whatever. It was just the work. It just wasn't for me. So I did end up finally, saying, like, "I just don't think I can do this. I'm sorry. It's just not for me." Um, I did give her a couple names of some people that she could reach out to, and, and she did figure it out, and so on and so forth.
But the point being is that I [00:05:00] really needed to listen to what my body was telling me, and my body was telling me that this was not for me, and that I need to make sure that I protect that. And I've made a, a mental note of this situation so that when prospective clients or, and really anything, whether it's work-related or social related or, you know, life related, where my body is giving me a full body no, like, it's like a visceral feeling like, "This is not for you," that I listen to that.
Because my body was trying to tell me. Even on the call, there was a lot of red flags, and I was just like, "Oh, but the money," you know? And so it wasn't worth the money. It just wasn't worth the money. So really leaning into listening to my body for the things that I am no longer available for.
And the same goes for things that I want more of, like, and the things that I enjoy. It's really paying attention to how [00:06:00] we feel when we're doing things so that we can be more intentional about how we live out this second half of our lives. You know, we have more freedom. Our kids are getting older. Um, for me, like, some of my kids are moved out.
Like, I really... I'm not taking care of little kids anymore, how do I wanna spend all this new free time that I have? I d- definitely don't wanna be spending it working all the time. I love the work that I do, but I also wanna make time for the things that I really love.
An example of that is, uh, I went, this past weekend we went to, uh, an outdoor concert, and it was a band that we've seen before. It's- they're called Stuck in the '90s. They play '90s music, which I love. We went with some friends, and it was outdoor. It was super fun. We sang. We danced.
It was just so good for the soul. I just had so much fun. And the next day I woke up, and I was just like, "That was so fun." Like, I really wanna make time for stuff like that, like music, 'cause music just does something. Like, we went to a Weezer concert. I [00:07:00] guess it was two summers ago, and I loved that so much.
My, my whole body was buzzing,, during that time. I was singing all the songs. It was all the music I love. And I just remember saying to Jason after we left that concert is, like, we need to spend money and time on this kind of stuff, on concerts and being in live music, because it just is so, it's so good for you.
And so we are going to Weezer again this September, and we're going to see The Smashing Pumpkins in October. And like, you know, the tickets aren't cheap, but that's the kind of stuff that I really wanna invest my time and energy in because, and money in because it makes me feel good. It's being intentional about seeking out those events. Now, sometimes, and you have to be mindful of this, and this happened to me, where you may want to do something, but because it's new and different, fear steps in, and fear will tell you or give [00:08:00] you reasons as to why you shouldn't do it, and you might mix those things up for red flags as to, "No, I shouldn't go," and, and, and maybe you mix that signal up as a full body no, but it's actually not a no, it's a yes.
But it's just fear creeping in, and that fear takes over, and then you maybe pass an opportunity. So as an example, in the spring, we ... I was invited to go with some girls to a rave in Toronto. And I really wanted to go, 'cause, like, I've seen raves online, and I love the music and the, the dancing and all the things.
And as soon as I said yes, like, as soon as I was invited and I was like, "Yeah, for sure, I'd love to go," I started to feel like, oh, do I really wanna go to this? 'Cause it's a big event. There's lots of people. I'm kinda claustrophobic. And then I started thinking about, oh, it's in Toronto, the big city.
Like, I don't know, what if I get roofied? Or like, you know, it's just like all these stupid, irrational thoughts started going through my head about things that could happen. And, and it wasn't because I [00:09:00] actually believed those things would happen, but it was more that it was a new experience that I hadn't been a part of.
And, maybe in my 20s I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, but in your 50s, those are things that you kinda go, "Oh, wait, do I really wanna be in that environment?" And I really did. And I really wanted to go with these people because they were, friends that I was just getting to know, and I was really enjoying my time with them, and I was like, this is just...
It just seemed like a super fun, a super fun weekend. So you have to be careful, because I could have very easily backed out of that, out of my irrational fears, and called those things red flags and been like, "No, my body was saying no." And it wasn't that my body was saying no. My body was saying yes. I really did wanna go, but I had irrational fears because this was a new and different situation.
It was new people. There was a lot of newness to it. So you kinda have to be careful about that. But both of those experiences, the experience with the client and the experience with the live music, really just highlighted for me personally- [00:10:00] w- that I really wanna be intentional with how I spend my time and where I spend my time.
Things that I am 110% a yes for, you know, is, is anything to do with my kids. Like, any time that my kids wanna come for dinner, I'm there. I will make time. I will, stop doing things in order to be able to spend time with my kids, 'cause I don't get as much time with them anymore, and so the time that I do have with them is precious.
So that, and same with friends. On Sunday this past week, I had some work things I wanted to take care of and whatever, and I had a friend message me and say, "Hey, do you wanna come sit by the pool for a couple hours and hang out?" And I could have very easily said no to that because I had these work things I wanted to do, but I knew I could do the work things on Monday.
I was only doing them 'cause I didn't have anything else to do, and I really wanted to go hang out with her by the pool. And those are moments where it's like, I don't wanna be on my death bed and be like, "Oh, I wish I had of, done more of the pool moments," and those kinds of things. I know I'm not gonna say, "Oh, I wish I had of really done that work on the Sunday instead."
Like, never am I ever gonna say that, right? [00:11:00] And so it's like how do we- really just really understand for ourselves what it is that we want. I think we spend a lot of our lives just doing the things we think we should be doing. Uh, a lot of my time in my life I've spent people pleasing and doing things for others that I think that they would like, really not not taking the time to think about, do I really want this?
Do I really enjoy this? And I'm at the stage, and I'm sure if you're listening to this podcast you're also at the stage, where it's like really noticing what is it that you do want more of in your life, and then how do you cultivate that? How do you make that happen? And, and then where do you need to have boundaries in order to, make sure that you're not,, overly people pleasing and not saying yes to things that are nos
and, and listening to those gut reactions and those body reactions that are a full body no. And, and then also, noticing where maybe you're having some fears where things are new [00:12:00] and different, and it doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it. It just means that, hey, maybe there's something you're gonna learn, and for me in that situation, I went to the rave. It was super fun. Uh, we wanna go to more raves. We- now we're looking at going to a rave in Vegas. And it opened up doors for me that I would've missed out if I didn't go. And checking in with yourself and go, "Is this, is this really a hell no, or is this just me having some irrational fears around something new?"
And making that distinction for yourself. And I think, you know, just like I said, a- at this time of my life, I wanna make sure I'm doing as much as I possibly can that's on the hell yes joy feeling side of things versus, spending time... Like if I had taken on that client and been doing that work, I know I would be regretting everything.
There would be so much, resistance, but also so much, uh, what's the word, um, that you get when you are doing something and you don't love it? It's [00:13:00] called
Oh, shoot! It's, what's the word? Oh my gosh, my brain. Resentment. You get resentful, and then you're resentful to the client, and you're resentful to the work, and then, it comes out., You lash out and then, it trickles into your family and everything else 'cause
It puts you in a bad mood. And I just, as much as possible, I wanna reduce the amount of those situations that I'm in. And it's not something I've ever actually sat and thought about, you know? We just kind of bump along in life. And I don't wanna just bump along anymore. I want to make sure that I am steering my life in the direction of joy as much as possible.
And that's something that needs to be intentional, and that's why I'm recording this podcast, is, is to remind you and myself included of am I doing things ... Am I intentionally cultivating things in my life that are bringing me joy? And where in my life are things not bringing me joy anymore, and where can I just then set, either [00:14:00] set boundaries or make less time for those things?
I honestly, I feel like I know for sure, 'cause as, as I mentioned in my last podcast, I have been playing around with TikTok and doing some TikTok videos and stuff. And I'm having a lot of fun with it, and it's actually,, working and people are enjoying my videos. And I've had a whole bunch of new followers.
I think I gained like 1,000 followers in like a couple weeks. I'm just really enjoying it over there because it's fun. I'm just being myself. And I think that's the other thing. That's the other piece, is the places where I'm noticing I'm having the most joy is the places where I'm authentically being me, where I don't have to contort myself to try and fit in.
I'm just being me, and I'm just enjoying the people I'm with, and I'm enjoying the experience, and I'm just fully authentically me. And over on TikTok where I'm creating these videos, I'm just being me. I'm just turning on the camera and saying whatever the heck it is I wanna say.
I did a Dollar Tree haul the other day as a [00:15:00] video 'cause I saw people doing them, and I wanted to go check out the stuff. And then I bought a bunch of stuff, and I thought, "I'm gonna record this and show it." And like, that is like my highest viewed video because I, I had fun doing it, and I didn't really care what anybody thought, and everybody loved it.
That's the kinda stuff that I wanna do more of. And one of the things that I have to let go of is not worrying about what other people think. Allowing myself to fully be myself, enjoy the experiences that are fully me and the things that I love to do, and fuck everything else.
This is about really creating a life with intention. And that's what I'm here for, and that's what I wanna share this message 'cause I think- I think it's so important. It was a reminder that I needed, and I wanted to share with you. So that is it.
I hope that this helps you. Let me know. You guys know you can always reach out to me on Instagram. You can now find me on TikTok if you wanna see my Dollar Tree haul. Let me know. I love to hear from you guys. Anyways, hope you're well. I will talk to you soon. Bye for now.
