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Hey, guys. Welcome back to How It's Really Going with Shaina, and today I wanna talk about the stretch in perimenopause where I went quiet. I wanna talk about what it feels like to come out on the other side of it. So when I went inward was probably around 48-ish, when my hormones went out of whack and I started feeling the depressed and all the things.
You guys have heard me talk about this many times in many episodes so please go back and listen to those if you are new here but I really just didn't want to do anything, and I didn't need to be doing anything. I actually closed down a business, I got off social media, I went inward, and I let myself just be.
I let myself be that way. But something has shifted in the last, I would say, year. I feel really good in my skin again, and I'm starting to get excited about doing new things, putting myself back out into the world, and I wanna talk about what that actually feels like because it's fun, but it's also [00:01:00] scary at the same time.
And I think it's also super healthy for us to challenge ourselves when we're ready, that's the caveat, to get back out into the second half of life and, and, and make it the best we possibly can. So that's what I'm gonna talk about today. It's gonna be messy. I'll probably be all over the place, but I know you guys know that about me, so let's dig in.
I'm always thinking about, with this podcast, about like what are things that are going on with me that I think would be beneficial to share with you?
And, you know, I'm always in the moment of like, "Okay, well what am I working on right now? What am I thinking about right now?" One of the things that came through when I was actually doing one of my workouts was the fact that I had started this new program on the Peloton that was out of my comfort zone.
I have been challenging myself to do more cardio because I really don't like cardio. I will do it a little bit here and there. , I walk the dog, but like not really [00:02:00] any kind of heavy cardio, and this program does do 25 minutes I think it is, on the actual Peloton bike. And I just, I don't know, I just haven't done that in a long time, and I don't really do it, and I know that that is important.
It's just as important as doing any of the other weights and walking and all that kind of stuff. So anyways, I have challenged myself to do this program, and it got me thinking about this space in my life that I'm in right now where I feel like I am not pushing myself in like a, in a hard way, but I am challenging myself and getting my- and, and doing things that a, a year or two years ago I would have said absolutely not.
Like, because I was just in such a different place then. And I think this has to do... I think this is a normal part of what happens to us as women when we go through this perimenopause, menopause transition, where we- [00:03:00] become more of who we really are or, and, or we be- like, we, we physically go through changes, physically and mentally go through changes.
And I've, I've talked about this many times on the podcast before. And, and I think because I feel like I'm on the other side of going through those changes, what I'm noticing is my desire to want to challenge myself and do things that, like I said, a couple years ago, even a year ago, I would've been like, "Absolutely not.
I'm not doing that. No." And I think why that is, well, I think I, I'm, I'm certain because of my own experience looking back, when I started going through the symptoms of perimenopause and starting to notice that I was not feeling the best and all of those things, one of the, the bigger sort of mental shifts that went, I went through was this this feeling of not wanting to be seen and, like, wanting to just go inward and, like, just...
I just, I... [00:04:00] Because I didn't feel like myself and I was, you know, going through different mood swings and I was, you know, skin was itchy and all these things were going on, I just, like, it, it's not fun and you're just not a fun person and you just don't wanna do anything. You just wanna stay home and hibernate.
And I feel like I kinda did that, like, for a year or so. It was like I was out, but I was not myself. You know, I was doing things here and there, but most of the time I just wanted to be home. And it has taken me this long, so I would say probably two solid years of just sort of figuring that out and getting myself,, the hormones and all the things that I need to get myself balanced.
Now that I'm at 51, I feel like I am coming into myself. Like- , it's so hard to explain. So this is, this is what I wanna talk about because it's exciting and, and I know there's probably a lot of you who listen to this podcast who are maybe in that beginning space where- [00:05:00] that I was talking about where you kinda feel like you just wanna hibernate and you're just like, "I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm not feeling like myself," and you just, you don't wanna, you know.
And I think that, that time is important for us to take a step back. Like for me, I took a step back completely from social media. I left a career in online coaching. I, , there was a lot of things that I did, , big things that I did to, to step back because I just felt like I did not have the energy or the capacity or the brain to actually do any of those things.
And it's- it sucks because when you're in that, it feels like that's how you're gonna be forever. And part of me was actually kinda sad because I really did enjoy parts of being, out there and being seen and being online and doing things 'cause I had done that for so long. I do think I burnt out a little bit from it, but I also think it was partly my hormones were shifting and, and I just, I needed to scale all that back just to be able to get [00:06:00] myself, balanced and healthy again.
And I feel like I'm there. I feel like I'm balanced. I feel like I'm, you know, healthy, and I feel like I've got things under control. And so this desire to challenge myself and do some of the things that I used to enjoy or do new things that I've never done before has really started to take, to take over.
And, and I'm gonna give you a few examples of some different things that I'm doing that I'm challenging myself on. But if I look back, it really started in the spring of this year. Where I started, you know, coming out of my shell.
One was creating some new relationships in my n- my life, some new friendships. And, just happening naturally, some friends that live around the corner. We just got to know them over the last couple of years. We've become really good friends, which has been really nice. And so that was nice for me to be able to kind of get out of my shell and get out, back out and, doing things like going for dinners and, and stuff like that and, and being able [00:07:00] to have someone in my life m- this friend of mine who is the same age as me and, and we have similar things that we've been through and that kinda stuff.
And to be able to just have that relationship to, to kinda talk through some of the stuff that we- that has been going on as we go through this change. And so that's been really nice, but that has also opened me up to new experiences and new people and, and new things to go to, and that has been a bit of a challenge in some aspects because meeting new people and, and reestablishing yourself in social circles is harder at this age.
It's so much easier to just say, "Oh, I'm busy," and just not go and, and stay on your couch and not do anything. But I, because I had started feeling better and kinda wanted to, be a bit more social, I pushed myself to get out there and, you know, do things that maybe felt a little bit uncomfortable.
It's weird going to a party where you only know the host and that you're, everybody else is brand new, you know? And so [00:08:00] that, over the last year we've been doing some of that. And another thing that, that came up that, that sort of pushed me was the same group w- they were, they invited me to go to a rave in Toronto, and I really, really love dancing and I love music, but it's been a really long time since I've done any of that kind of stuff.
I'm also somebody who's, like, super claustrophobic, and big giant crowds and tight spaces I feel very uncomfortable with. But I really wanted to go to this because it sounded super fun, and so I really had to challenge myself to be like, "Okay, if you're gonna go, like, you're gonna do this," and, like, I had all these irrational fears and all these things, but I went and I did it.
And it was so super fun, and it made me like, oh, I wanna do this again, right? So that was another opportunity where I, I had recently challenged myself. . And I was reflecting on sort of how the summer's been and the things that we've done and, in this month, and I, I realized, I'm really coming out of my shell. Like, I started this [00:09:00] TikTok thing, which I've shared on here before, where I've just decided, .
i want to be out there and I wanna be seen. I want to inspire. I want to share. It's part of the reason I do this podcast, and, like, the TikTok is, like, another space for me to be able to do that. And I wanna be able to do whatever content I feel like, not what I think I should be, which is very different from the type of content that I used to do pre-perimenopause, which was business coaching stuff, which I was always talking, you know, strategy, or I was always talking, building an online business.
Like, it was very streamlined and purposeful, where this content on the TikTok is very open and free and just me, and it's like I'm saying whatever I wanna say when I wanna say it. I'm showing you products I'm buying. I'm showing you, you know, I cleaned out my closet. I'm showing you my outfit of the day.
I'm, like, doing shit that I never thought I would ever do, and I am having the best time with it. Now, it is [00:10:00] challenging me because my brain still wants to overthink the, the, the types of things that I'm doing. So it really is like, "Oh, are people gonna like that? Oh, that's weird. Oh, that's cringey. Oh, you don't, y- you don't look good doing that," or, or, "That's something young people do.
You look silly doing..." Like, my brain is going through all of these things as I'm creating and s- sh- you know, sending out these videos. But I'm okay with it. Like, I, I, I know it's... I know why it's doing that. It's trying to protect me. This is new and it's different, and your brain will do that. Any time you challenge yourself, your brain will go into, like, panic mode of this is, this is change, and change is, in its mind, change is bad kind of thing.
And so it's going to try and make you fearful of doing these things so that you don't change. It likes repetition of the things that are normal in your life, but how do you learn, how do you grow if you just, you know, keep doing the same things over and over again? You, y- challenging yourself and putting yourself out there in new and different ways is really good for your [00:11:00] brain and it's good for growth, but your brain doesn't like it.
So you have to work through it. And so I have really just been like this... Like, as much as I'm doing this social media thing for my followers and people who just wanna follow along and join me, and, you know, learn what it's like at midlife and hear how it's actually really going, I'm also doing this for me.
Like, I'm doing this for me because it's fun. I'm doing this for me because it's something I've always, just in the back of my mind, been like, "I would love to do that." I do love products. I do love, you know, clothes and m- things and sharing all that kind of stuff. I do love just, you know, turning on the camera and talking about whatever's on my mind in that moment.
Where I struggle and the growth is, is just really getting out of my head and letting go, and letting it be cringey, and letting it be bad. Because I am somebody who likes things to be perfect, and nothing is ever perfect. And I think the, the, the crazy [00:12:00] part about that is that the only way that you get better at something is actually by being bad at it first.
You've gotta do it messy, and you've gotta do that over and over and over again before you can refine it. And, you know, I'm watching all these other people do stuff, and their videos are perfectly polished and cool and stuff like that, and I'm looking at it going, "Okay, I need to do it that way," but then catching myself going, "No I don't need to do it that way.
I need to do it my way, and I need to do it how I wanna do it, and I need to say the things that I wanna say, and I need to, , edit it and do the things that I think look good, and that I feel work for me, and that are authentically me. And I believe that that's the only way that you can do something like this without it burning you out or without it, dragging you down and making you feel like it's a job.
Because when I think about the content that I used to put out when I was doing the business coaching stuff, I was trying to change [00:13:00] my ways and do it like others so that it would be acceptable, and it would be good, and I wouldn't... I, you know, people would like it and that's hard.
It's hard to show up and when you're not being authentic, and you're, you're not doing it on purpose, but you're, you're trying to fit into a box that's not you. When you do that over and over and over and over again, it gets very tiring. Like, I've been down that road and it is exhausting.
And so it's very fun and freeing to look at this thing that I'm trying to do over here and just look at it as it gets to be what I want it to be, and there's absolutely no pressure from anyone or anything to, for this to be, to be anything. Like, my hope is that it turns into something, and that I can use this somehow as a stream of income or whatever, but if it doesn't, I'm also okay, right?
And that's also, you know, something that's been a bit more new for me is to not pressure myself to turn this into [00:14:00] something that is, a business. 'Cause I tend to have that, I have that quality too. It's just... it, it would be nice if it did, but if it doesn't, I'm also just having fun and playing, and that's okay And so that's been a challenge.
Another point to this that has been challenging, but I'm enjoying the challenge, but also recognizing, you know, how I want to try and control it and having to let go, is the comments, I, I feel like TikTok's easier to grow on. There's like, I don't know why, but it feels like there's way more people on there than Instagram. And then I seem to be growing fairly decently over there. I have started an Instagram. It's like a turtle, and I'm, I, I don't love posting on there, but I'm just kind of repurposing over there right now.
But but there seems to be a lot of very opinionated people on TikTok . I'm sure they exist on Instagram, too., It's a challenge for me to see people who make any kind of negative comments or call out something stupid or whatever and [00:15:00] not get personally offended and wanna be defensive and, and, like, fight back in, in the comments.
And I have made a few rebuttals to some of the comments on some of the things, but it challenges you to let go, and that you're not gonna make everybody happy when you do this kind of work. And I feel like I don't know what it is about the age that I'm at right now, it's not that I don't care, because those things still, like, I see them and I'm like, "Oh my God, I can't even believe this person said that," like, "Ugh," and then I'm trying to, like, fact find and be able to refute this person's comment. I need to let go of that, but it- I'm working on it. And at the same time, I just think at the age that I'm at now,
it doesn't bother me as much as it is, as it would have if even, two or three years ago, or five years ago. Like, me trying to do this in my 30s or my 20s, I probably would've been, I wouldn't have been able to handle the negative stuff that comes from social media. I feel like I'm a lot more equipped and [00:16:00] just a lot more, like, in my own, like, comfortable in my own skin, in my own body, in my own decisions that doing this and handling those comments, it just feels kind of like, "Eh, whatever.
I don't really care. I'm just gonna keep going." It's only been a month, and it's been a very I don't know, kind of interesting challenge for myself, and it's also super fun, and I'm just gonna see where it goes. So that's another area that I have been really challenging myself.
Now, back to the fitness stuff, because this brings me to my next space that, as I'm entering into this midlife place you guys know, I am on a GLP-1. I do, I have made some pretty big health changes for myself. I'm really, watching my diet and making sure I'm getting the protein, and I have been doing weight workouts consistently minimum three times a week just to really try and be in my best shape possible for, at this stage of my life,
and I have the [00:17:00] time. I have a little gym in my basement, so I have the, the means, so I'm very fortunate to be able to have the time and the means to be able to do it. I'm grateful for the GLP-1s 'cause it really has helped me elevate my results that I absolutely could not get doing what I'm doing now.
But without it, it just was like I was doing the work and nothing was changing, and it was very frustrating. So the fact that I am seeing results and my body feels more like me and I'm getting healthier and I'm getting stronger I am challenging myself more physically because I know cardio is something that I need to do.
So just to round back out that point, I've started doing this, this program on the Peloton where it's three classes a week and it's with Tunde and it's 20 some odd minutes on the floor doing weight workout, and then you jump on the bike for 20-ish minutes and finish it out with a, a ride. And so I've decided that I need to do that because I need to work on my cardio, and I am [00:18:00] giving it...
She says if you do it for four to six weeks, the same program every week you should get some amazing results. So I am excited. I'm doing it. I'm on week two. And, and here's the thing that I'm noticing while I'm doing it So I don't love the cardio part. And I, the first week that I was doing the cardio, I was not doing it to the level that she was doing it.
I was just doing it to get it done. And so I was not, , my cadence wasn't as fast , I wasn't pedaling either as fast or as tough or whatever as she had it. I was just doing what I could do to get through the ride, and I was dying.
That was week one. This week, I noticed that I was keeping pace with what she was doing. I maybe not wasn't doing it the heaviest or the fastest, but I was at least staying in the zone of what she was recommending. So I was, I'm seeing myself get a little better. And even with the weights and stuff too, just increasing my weights
so I've given [00:19:00] myself this challenge to do this for, I'm thinking six weeks, every week doing this, so I can actually see myself getting better. The consistency of doing something over and over again, much like the TikToks and much like everything else I'm talking about, i- is, it's like that messy beginning, but then you start to see yourself making improvements.
You start to see the growth. You start to s- y- you actually start to get excited about doing the next thing and the next thing because you are getting results. Tunde even said this herself in one of the, the videos. She said, "The results are easy. It's the consistency that's hard." It's showing up and doing it messy over and over and over again.
That's the hard part because it's so easy to try something and not be good at it, whether it's a TikTok video or a, an exercise bike ride, and to, to easily say, "You know what? This isn't for me. Like, I'm not gonna do this. Forget it. This sucks." And she even said in the, in the first week on the third workout that a lot of people [00:20:00] won't even make it to the third workout or make it to the next week because they don't like this exercise 'cause the week, the third one is very cardio heavy.
Most people won't come back. And I was like, "Screw that. I am not gonna be most people. I am doing this. I'm challenging myself." I just completed week two today, and I'm excited to get to week three so that I can start to see the improvements. And I think that's motivating obviously, and exciting and It's the same with the TikToks.
It's like I'm, I've done some really cringey ones. I've done some ones that have had very minimal views, but then I've also done a few that have gotten 50, 60,000 views and, you know, all this stuff that's happening and, and so it's getting better. I'm getting, you know, better at creating content. I'm getting more creative.
I'm, letting go more. So it's that consistency that generates the results. The results are easy, but the consistency is where it's tough, and that really stuck with me and I, see it in, in the things that I'm [00:21:00] doing. Now, the other thing that I'm challenging myself on, which ties into both the fitness and the TikTok, is my fashion.
And I'm somebody who, if you know me, if we've ever hung out, I'm a pretty basic, boring fashion person. I don't have real any kind of style. I just, you know, if anything, I'm a black T-shirt and a pair of jeans or a black tank top and a pair of jeans. I'm not anybody who is, like, super fashionable.
I know what I like, or at least I thought I knew what I liked, but now that I'm getting into this space where, one, I'm feeling much better in my own skin and my body feels really good, I'm also, like, just a lot less caring about what other people think of what I'm doing. That just naturally starts to happen as you get older.
I'm just in this space of going like, I really want to embrace my own personal style. And again, going back to my friend that I talked about at the beginning, her name's [00:22:00] Lori that I've started hanging out with over the last couple of years, she's very big into fashion.
And she has no fears about wearing anything and everything that she loves. And so that has been rubbing off on me, and it's like making me go, I really wanna find my personal style, and challenging myself to purchase things that I really love, whether I think anybody else would like them or not, you know?
I recently bought a pair of pants from Zara that have tiger stripes on them. I loved them. As soon as I saw them, I was like, "Oh my gosh, those are so cool." And it's easy to say, "Oh, those are so cool," when you see them on the model in the ad on Instagram. It's a different thing to purchase those pants and put them on your own body and go, "Do you still think they look cool?"
And I have been putting these things on and feeling like, you know what? I do love these things. Do I look like the model? No. But am I feeling good in this thing that I probably wouldn't have worn, even two years ago or [00:23:00] a year ago? Yeah, I feel great. And do I care if anybody else likes it?
No, I actually don't care if anyone else likes it.
I'm just really enjoying clothes again, and I'm really enjoying putting up different outfits. I work from home, so I don't... Like, technically I could wear loungewear every day of the week and no one would see me, and 90% of the time that's what happens. But I'm like, "I don't wanna wear just basic loungewear every day just because I'm home.
I actually wanna get dressed in some cool shit and feel good, and be able to, like, talk about clothes so I've started challenging myself to do videos showing my outfits of the day just to keep myself challenged in the space of fashion, but also in the space of showing up on TikTok and being able to create videos, and also just to challenge myself to be seen.
Like, it's, it's so interesting how And I, and I relate this to perimenopause, menopause [00:24:00] because I do think that there's something major that happens to us in our brains. Our brains rewire during this time, and I feel like, like I, I actually physically feel different than I did a couple of years ago. And a lot of the things that I used to like and a lot of the things that I used to wanna do, I, I don't wanna do anymore.
I don't like them anymore. Some of the things have come back where I was like, "I didn't like that for a bit, but now I do." You know, like there's ... I can just ... It's almost like I can visually feel and see the changes that have been made, you know? And, and the changes in who I am and, and how I feel and my confidence level and just the kinda things that I wanna explore and what I wanna do and, and how I wanna feel day to day.
I am enjoying this space of feeling alive again, and also challenging myself to do some things that I don't know that I would've [00:25:00] said I could do a year ago, and seeing what happens.
Old me would've been like, "Okay, I'm doing this. Here's my strategy. Here's my plan. I'm gonna execute this every day, and I'm gonna do this for X amount of time, and I'm expecting this result." And then when that result didn't show up, then I'd be disappointed, and I'd change gears, and I would do something else.
I can look back and see my old patterns and go, "No wonder none of that stuff worked." Like, you know, you weren't yourself. You, you just ... You gave yourself unrealistic goals. I, I totally get why it didn't work. I couldn't see it then, but I can see it now.
And so now I feel like, no, I, I don't have any expectations. I'm just doing this because it's fun. I just wanna see what happens, including this podcast, even including my business of doing done-for-you services. Like, right now I'm building websites. I'm building AI websites. I'm dabbling in some other things.
I'm just doing what feels good in the moment or what feels right for me in the moment, and, I'm not putting any hard pressure on myself. I'm challenging myself to [00:26:00] learn new things just to see, you know, 'cause this... In my industry, things are changing so fast, it's like who knows what's gonna be happening a year from now.
So I'm challenging myself to test new things and try new things so that I can, , not be left behind. But I'm also kinda just like, maybe I won't be building websites in a year from now. Maybe, maybe I'll be an influencer making brand deals and, and, that kinda shit. Who knows? All I'm saying is I am p- not pushing myself, but just more challenging myself lightly to do some things that I've always wanted to do that feel good to me, and see what happens without giving myself stupid amounts of pressure to try and r- create some result, because I've done that before, and it just, it just doesn't work.
And that's the whole point of this podcast. It's like I wanna challenge you to, when you're ready, when you feel like you've, you know, rebalanced yourself and you're ready to take on something new, [00:27:00] what can you challenge yourself with that is fun and exciting, that you can do it messy, be consistent, and just see where it goes, right?
Like, whether it's physical fitness, whether it's something to do with work, whether it's making cringey videos on TikTok, whatever it is, or maybe it's discovering who you are fashion-wise, like letting yourself be seen after, you know, seasons of hiding. I don't know what it's gonna be for you, but how can you challenge yourself in those ways just to, see what, what do you want for your second half of life?
I know this sounds so cliche, this midlife, second half, second chapter, all those things, it... but it really feels like that. Like, I feel like the first half of my life, like up until, like, let's say 40, 45, I don't feel like I'm that same person.
Like, it just, it feels so weird to say that. Like, it almost makes me a little bit emotional, but it's like she was great. She had a lot of good things. There was a lot of stuff [00:28:00] She has cha-- I've changed from her. And I, I think it also has to do with your kids. Like, my kids are all older now, and so I have so much more time to do things, and think, and, you know, figure, and I don't know.
It's just, like, back then I still had young kids, and I was still dealing with all that stuff, and I feel like now I have time to actually be like, "What do I really want to do?" And, and I don't wanna wait. There's no right time to do it, but I also don't wanna wait. Like, I'm 51.
Like, what am I gonna wait till I'm 65 before I start a TikTok channel? Like, at 65 I don't... Who knows if I'm gonna make it to 65, right? Like, I... If, if there's something that you've been wanting to do, and you feel the desire to do it, and you're ready to do it, like, be cringey, be messy, get out there, figure it out, have fun with it, and, like, see what happens,
so anyways, I don't know. I just... It just wanna... something that I just wanted [00:29:00] to share 'cause I feel like I can't be the only one that feels this way, and I hope that I'm not the only one that's out there trying different things and pushing themselves in the best positive, most positive ways to, to challenge themself to do some things that are just been...
that are just different and fun, and to, to drop the worry about what other people are gonna think. 'Cause I think that's really something that I've struggled with, and I think I know for sure that's why I put myself on TikTok with this to start because I didn't... I don't know anybody on TikTok.
It's been an exercise in putting yourself out there, and, and letting it be what it is, and letting it just unfold how it unfolds.
And that's, the most beautiful and exciting part is to just be you, and let it be what it's gonna be,
And I think that's one of the privileges of midlife is that we really do step into [00:30:00] who we truly are in our core. You know, we're not busy with all of the things, or at least most of us aren't, and we really get to find ourselves. And then we, you know, use that to dictate what we wanna do for this second half of our lives.
And I don't know, it just, it's, it's feels fun. And maybe a month from now I will cancel it all and shut it all down . Who knows? Right now, this is how I feel, and this is what I'm doing, and this is what I wanna share. So I hope that this has inspired you in some way, shape, or form to take a step towards something that you've always wanted to try, and just do it unapologetically and, and do it as authentically as, as you can.
And that's all, that's all you can do. All right, everyone, that's it for me. Thanks so much for listening. Until next time, bye for now.
