[00:00:00] Hey guys, welcome back to How It's Really Going at 50 with Shaina, and today's episode is a tough one for me to record because it's very an, a very emotional topic. And I... But it ne- it absolutely needs to be said, and I am just gonna... This is just gonna come out how it's gonna come out. Everything I say in this podcast, uh, I'm definitely going to start by saying it's alleged, it's my opinion, all of that because, um, you know, uh, not...
There are things that I'm gonna talk about in this that are not proven, uh, but they are definitely making the rounds on social media, and this is all around the, the, the core of what I'm gonna share with you here today is about how women are fucking done being scared, living scared, being demoralized, um, being abused, [00:01:00] being talked down to, being...
I don't even know. Uh, there's so many more words, but th- this is what I wanna talk about, and I'm gonna start by sharing this story. And-
Yeah I'm gonna share this story. This is gonna seem so innocent and simple, but I need you to hear this story because this is the exact reason why we need to be talking about this. Not just me on this podcast, but all women everywhere. If you are a female listening to this podcast, I am talking to you. We all need to talk about this.
Because the only way that this is gonna change, and it's not gonna change for my generation, it's not, might not even change for my daughter's generation, but I sure as hope if we can all start talking about this, it will change for our granddaughters' generation And so this story happened to me the other day.
I was walking my dog. No big deal, walking my dog. There was a man out [00:02:00] front of this house that is, uh, around the corner from me, and, um, it's kind of an interesting house. It's, it's... I never see people coming and going from it. It's got a lot of trees and things in front of it. It's kind of pushed back. It's, it's, you know, it's not, not a bad house, but it's also not a house that looks like there's a lot of comings and goings happening in it, just to kinda give you a visual.
And there was somebody out front cutting the grass, which actually kind of surprised me, because like I said, I've never seen anybody kind of in and out of this house. So I walk by, and this person stops cutting the grass and says, "Hey." And I turn around and I was like, "Hey." And then he's like, "What kind of dog do you have?
What kind of dog is that?" And I was like, "Oh, he's a mini Bernedoodle." And he was like, "Oh, wow." He's like, "I've, I've never really seen that kind of dog before" kind of thing. And I was like, "Oh, really?" And I'm like, "Yeah, they're kind of popular right now," whatever. And he's like, "Oh, I'm, I'm a retired veterinarian."
And I was like, "Oh, okay. Cool." [00:03:00] And I'm like... He's like, "Yeah, that's just so interesting. So, like, you know, what's he made of?" You know, and he starts talking to me about my dog, and we start talking about dogs. Harmless enough. I'm like, "Okay," you know, and we're chatting about dogs. I love talking about my dog.
And so he's asking me some more questions about the dog, and he's telling me about his time as a veterinarian, and I'm talking, like, he was talking so kind of fast and so much that some... it was hard for me to even sort of get in a word in edgewise. And he was telling me about how, you know, he used to be a veterinarian and worked at the zoo, and, like, talking about cross-breeding animals and, like, how they were doing it in ways that were unethical.
Like, I, I'm talking this conversation went on many different tangents, and I started to feel like, yeah, I'm ready to get going kind of thing, and my dog was kind of barking at him and stuff and whatnot. But still in my brain, I'm like, harmless. Don't, like... You know, there's nothing wrong. You're just having a conversation.
Be nice. You know, this is [00:04:00] all going through my head at the same time while I'm like, "Okay, this is kind of awkward now. I just kinda need to get going." So then... And I'm kind of, you know, taking steps sort of backwards w- 'cause, you know, my dog's sort of pulling, and I'm kinda taking a step backwards and, you know, still trying to be nice and, and he's going on and he's talk- telling me about, you know, his wife got this dog, and he was telling me about his dog, which I didn't see any signs of a dog anywhere, but that doesn't mean it wasn't true.
Um, and then, you know, he c- he also kept making reference to his spooky-looking house. Like, he, he, he made a couple references to that, which was kind of odd. And then at one point he's like, "Oh, I've never, I've never seen you walk by before. Like, do you live in the neighborhood?" And I was like, "Yeah, we walk by here all the time."
And I made reference, I was like, "Yeah, my husband-" And I walk by here all the time. Like, even as I'm telling you this story, like, my heart rate's going up. Like, I can feel myself getting uncomfortable. And so then I was like, "Yeah, we walk... My husband and I pr- pretty much [00:05:00] walk by here all the time." And he was like, "Oh, that's gr- I've never seen you guys before.
I've never seen this dog before and stuff." And I was like, "Oh, yeah, okay." And then he's like, "Oh, so, like, you live, like, around here?" And I was like, I just said, and I d- I'm not gonna say my street name here, but I was just like, I just said my street name. I'm like, "Yeah," 'cause it's a big street. So I'm like, "Yeah, we're just over on this street over here."
And he was like, "Oh, okay." And then he's talking again about veterinarian stuff, and I, you know, I had made a couple mentions of like, "Oh, yeah, we've, we're familiar with the vet. Our goose has been there quite a bit," 'cause he's got this, like, little issue or whatever. And he's like, "Oh, if you ever need any second opinions," and stuff like that, he goes, "I know I'm a retired vet."
He's like, "But, you know, I, I, um, I... You know, just knock on my door. I'd be happy to, to help you," you know, whatever. So I was like, "Oh, okay." He did say his name, and so I was like, "Okay." And then, and then, and so I'm trying to kind of, like, get out of the conversation, and he would like, take another step, and then he said to me...
There was two things that he said to me and then I was like, "All right. I'm fucking out of here." One, he was like, "Oh, so, like, uh, [00:06:00] which, like, which, between which streets on the street that I said I lived on? Like, between which streets do you, are you?" Like, he was trying to get specific about where I was, where I lived.
And I was like, I didn't give him that. I was like, "Oh, you know, just over there." And then he proceeded to tell me I had the nicest blue eyes, just like his daughter, he said. And at that point I was like, "I'm fucking out of here." So I was like, "Okay, I gotta go." And I grabbed ... Like, I just kinda pulled Goose and we just kinda kept walking, and I was like
'Cause my, and that, at the same time actually my daughter was calling me on my phone, and so I'm like, "Okay, I gotta go. Like, I gotta take this," and whatever, and I walked. And then I was just saying to my daughter, I got on the phone with her and I'm like, "Oh my God, this was like the weirdest conversation."
And I've never seen the man since. I've walked by the house a few times.
, Long story short, the point of me telling you this story is the fact that my brain as a female went to the place of this person is trying to kidnap me, basically. This person is trying to get [00:07:00] information on me, whether he's trying to kidnap me right now or he wants to come and find me on my street later, I don't know.
But it was a whole full body feeling of like, "I'm very uncomfortable right now, and I need to get out of here." And that's the problem. That's the problem. And you know, I shared this ... I share stories like this sometimes when I feel this way, 'cause I've had other incidences, you know, that seem harmless. Like as another example, we were at a restaurant, and to go to the washroom at this restaurant it is down a big long thing of stairs, and then you gotta turn into this like hallway where it's like this big long hallway with all of these doors, and
'Cause it's like at the bottom of like a market kinda thing. And I went to the washroom, and there was a gentleman coming up the stairs, and I was going down the stairs. And my first thought was, you know, in my brain, "Make sure that that person goes all the way up the stairs and doesn't turn around and follow you back down," [00:08:00] which I did.
And then when I got into the hallway my second thought was, "Wow, this hallway is kind of creepy. There's doors everywhere. Someone could literally take me from this hallway, and I would be gone." You know what I mean? And that crossed my mind. And here's how I know that I'm not just super sensitive to it.
There was a friend that I was with who went also to the washroom at a separate time and did that same, went down the stairs and did the same thing, and I asked her about that, 'cause I s- I shared that with my husband about how I felt going down the stairs. He was like, "Really? Like you thought that?" And I was like, "Yeah."
And she was like, "Yeah, I thought it too." And so I've shared these stories with my husband before, you know, even the dog walking thing, and he was like, "Oh my gosh, like he's not gonna ... You know, he was just talking to you." And I'm like, "That's what you think as a male." But as a female, we have to because of generations of females being sexually assaulted and attacked, [00:09:00] and, you know, all the...
I- if you go through all of the stories in the news for the last 100 years, I guarantee you a, a l- much, much larger, and I don't know the number, but I'm gonna say probably 90%, are women being attacked, abused, assaulted, you know, whatever, insert whatever harmful thing, by men. So we have been conditioned to be afraid of men in all circumstances.
Women walk through parking lots with keys between their fingers. If we even walk through a parking lot by ourself in the dark at all, you know, if you look at all the movies and everything that's out there, it's women being attacked by men 90% of the time. And so we have been conditioned to be afraid. And so this is the problem.
And now we have so many things. You know, social media has brought out [00:10:00] All of this stuff to the forefront. 'Cause, like, when we were kids, like I was born in 1975, so when we were kids, and even probably when our parents were kids, like the only way we heard of these stories prior was if you watched the evening news at 6:00 or you read it in a newspaper.
Now we have 24/7 of social media and news and YouTube and all the things of everything that's happening. Not even everything. We're, we're actually not getting everything. That's, that's the other part of the problem, is that we're getting a small percentage of what's happening to women in the world through social media, and we're getting more and more and more of it because of social media.
We're constantly on our phones being bombarded by the latest news story. You know, and, and, and I'm saying this at a time where just in the past eight months, there- we have the, the alleged, you know, Cornell Seven and the Jane Doe thing that happened in New York at, if, at the, um... Was it Ithaca or... Cornell University in Ithaca.
Like, [00:11:00] that's, that's, that's primetime news right now, where a, an alleged, uh, w- gang rape happened in a dorm room by seven men who were in a group chat of 50 men who were all, you know, invited to come and have, you know, with this woman. And, and none of them spoke up. None of them called the police. None of them did.
I think there was a couple who maybe did s- small things, but that is... And again, quote unquote, alleged, but regardless, that h- that situation, there are things in that are, that are factual that did happen that still nobody did anything with. You know? Nobody said anything. Nobody, nobody called the authorities.
And then when it was brought to the attention of the school, what, the, the boys had to write an essay. Like, you know, I think a couple of them got expelled. That, like, that's a, that's, that's a, that's a problem, you know? Like, that, that's a problem. And, and those are young men [00:12:00] who are thinking that that's okay, right?
Like, that's, that's, that's huge. That's, it's such a problem. And then prior to that in the news, there was the men who were drugging, allegedly drugging their wives, and I don't even know if I have to say allegedly on this because it was proven, and they were sexually assaulting them, quote unquote, raping them allegedly, um, and then videotaping it, and then putting it on a website These are their wives, and there are thousands of men in this, this, this thing that, that are tau- they're teaching each other how to do it.
Like, so not only do women need to be afraid of friends in a dorm room and strangers in a parking lot, now they need to be afraid of their husbands? Like, what in the motherfucking hell is going on? And so as you can see, this is, this [00:13:00] is ... I'm doing this podcast not because I'm trying to ... I don't know. I don't have an answer But this is the conversations that we as women need to be having because I know that for me, n- I, I'm not gonna change.
This isn't gonna change. I'm always gonna be afraid. For my daughter, I, I, I don't know if she... I, I, I know that she is very conscious, and I teach her because, because I'm afraid. I'm of course teaching her how to protect herself. But I, I don't know. Would, would we be able to do something by the time she had a daughter?
I don't know. I don't know. I don- I, I doubt it. I, I feel like it's gonna take generations before we can create a society where women are treated as equals, and we are not degraded on a daily basis, on an hourly basis by men. And I'm sorry, guys, like, I know there are good men out there. I, I'm married to one.
My husband is a, is a, a, a m- lovely man, and he would never participate in any of this stuff, and, you know, [00:14:00] he's a good, he's a good guy. But what we need are the good guys to stand up and say something to the guys who are in the group chats, who are at the bar, who are saying things that are not appropriate about women.
They n- the good guys need to stand up and say, "That's not okay. That's not okay, and you need to teach your son that that's not okay." Because the answer to this, maybe I do have the answer, I don't know, but what I'm gonna say is that, one, women need to stick together, and we need to stand up, and we need to fucking start talking about this, and it's, it's just absolutely not okay.
But two, we need to teach young men, our sons, that this is not okay, that you do need to stand up when you hear this kind of talk, that you do need to make sure that you're not participating in this in any way, shape, or form, just to, you know... B- B- And, and I get it. Social pressure, it's [00:15:00] hard. When you're in a group of guys and they're making fun of a w- a girl, or they're saying something negative or degrading, and you are the voice that says, "Hey, guys, that's not okay," I know that that's very difficult.
But we need to figure out a way to teach young men to be able to do that and, and not be afraid to stand up, not to be afraid to walk away, not be afraid to say, "You know, I'm not, I'm not gonna be a part of this." You know, and, and again, like, I have a son. I have a 16-year-old. We, we are talking to him right now about this kind of stuff.
And, you know, it's not easy. It's not easy. I get that. But the conversations have to start. The conversations need to start, and they need to start now if we're gonna do anything about this for our grandchildren's generation. As much as I would love to be able to say that this change is gonna s- is something that we can do quickly, I, I highly doubt it.
It's been centuries of women [00:16:00] constantly being degraded and put down by other men. And we need men and women to stand up and say, women to stand up and say, "I'm fucking done. I'm done." Like, we are not, we are not standing for this anymore. And, and we have been, you know, we have been for sure, but I really do believe that we now need the men who are the good guys to stand up and say, "This is not okay."
And, and th- the other issue with all of this is there are people in power, in h- high levels of power, that are the perpetrators, that are the ones Who have been accused and are liable of sexually assaulting women and are still in positions of power, like nothing's happened to them
And so what do young men see when these people of, of power, in powerful positions are doing these things and getting away with [00:17:00] it? They s- That, that, that it's okay. That even to some degree that it's probably cool, and that's not okay. You know, there's the whole fucking Epstein bullshit that is, it's so big and it's so deep, and there are so many people involved, and there are so many young women and children who were hurt, It's so deep and it's so disgusting and disturbing that I don't even think we know... W- I, uh, I'm positive we only know a fraction of what's actually been happening within that, and how many arrests and how many people have been convicted. How many? What, I think, what, Prince Andrew and maybe one other person are in trouble right now for something that should have thousands and thousands of men in, and women in fact, there are women involved in that too, that were participating in it, um, that should be, that should be in jail.[00:18:00]
And yet nothing, right? So again, what's the message? That it's okay? That it's, that's, like, you can get away with it, it's fine? No, it's not okay
It's just, it, it's, it's like... And, you know, I, I, I've personally, and, and, and I'm not, I'm not gonna sit here and say that I'm perfect because I have been in situations with guys where they've said things that are not cool, and I've laughed it off and been like, because I didn't know or have the guts to stand up for myself and stand up for other women.
Because, you know, we're young. We're, we're trying to fit in. We're trying to have a social circle. We're trying to be cool. And I, I'm not proud of that, not proud of that at all. Uh, people that were, I was close to, that I definitely should have said [00:19:00] something and never did because, you know, you don't wanna ostracize yourself.
That's crazy. It's crazy. Like, it's almost like I feel like we knew, as women, we've known better, but we also didn't have the courage and the space to say anything, or not the space, but we didn't have the courage, and maybe we didn't have the know-how. And maybe we were, we've been so conditioned to believe that it's okay that we actually didn't even see that it wasn't okay.
And so we've, we've, we've made excuses for it. We've made excuses for it, and we've allowed it because of what society has conditioned us, you know, to be as women. And I just like, it's just got me in a place where I am just, I am like, it, like I could literally burst into tears just [00:20:00] talking about this right now.
But at the same time, I'm so fucking mad
You know, I watched, um, there's somebody I follow on Instagram, her name's Jo, and she has a channel called unlearn16. If you follow her, you'll know she's got millions of followers. She's great. And she did a video about how the way that she believes that we make a change is by women supporting women, and I, I believe her.
I, I do believe that that is part of the answer. I do think the men need, the good men need to stand up and start saying things, and I've seen that happen on Instagram. I've seen lots of really awesome videos of men standing up and saying like, "This is not okay," and w- and, and I, I applaud those videos. We need more of that from more men.
Um, more videos, more voices, [00:21:00] more people standing up saying that this is not okay. But for women supporting women, so women supporting women-owned businesses, women, you know, voting for women i- to put them in powerful positions, to bring women to the forefront of, you know, of all the things. If, if, you know, women are...
We make up, let's say 50% of the population. If we could have 50% of the power, you know, then that would at least equalize a lot of things, but it's, it's not that way right now. So it's hard to have a movement when there's not equal, you know, equality in that space. So in order for us to create that, in order for us to, you know, move the needle, we need to bring women into powerful positions.
We need women to have the wealth. We need women to have power. We need women in politics. We need [00:22:00] women helping to make major decisions. We need women to help m- keep things, people accountable. We need more women to do that, because so many things are run by people that I don't agree with
Anyways
I don't even know how to end it. I'm really not sure how to end this by... I think it's just by saying, like, we're tired. We don't wanna be afraid anymore. And like, you know, those two examples I shared, the bathroom and the dog walk thing, those are two of, that are j- are recent ones.
Like, I have a, I have a lifetime of situations that I've been definitely afraid, um, you know, that, that I'm not gonna go into right now 'cause some of them are really personal and close to home. But, m- uh, you know, I've spent a lifetime, you know, as a woman who there are certain things that I just will not do because [00:23:00] I'm not gonna put myself in a situation, you know, where I could be, you know, harmed.
And you know, it's funny, when my daughter first moved out, first thing I bought her was one of those whistles that you put on your purse so that if you're walking somewhere, you can pull it and it makes a really loud noise if someone is... You're feeling unsafe, basically. And I hate... Like, when my son moved out, I didn't buy him one of those.
Bought one for my daughter, but not my son, you know? And that's, I mean, not that I'm, uh, my, you know, my son, like, yeah, like why, why wouldn't, why... That just in itself just, mm, makes me sick to my stomach So anyways, I'm gonna end this ramble by saying here's, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to teach my son, and my sons, I have two sons, I'm gonna teach them what's right and what's not, and what's appropriate and what's not, and how you [00:24:00] act in those situations when there are people who are saying negative things about women.
Um, and hopefully they do the right things. I'm going to support women in things that, you know, whether it be purchasing from women-owned businesses, voting for women, um, you know, doing my due diligence as far as that kind of stuff is concerned, and putting my mi- money, time, and energy into spaces that are lifting women up.
And gonna keep talking about it. I'm gonna keep talking about it. I'm gonna talk about it on my TikTok. I'm gonna talk about it on this podcast. Um, maybe not all the time, but, you know, when I feel it's appropriate, and today is one of those times where I feel it's appropriate. There's been too many things Too many things, and I feel like social media, we need to get [00:25:00] louder.
We need to talk about these things. Like, if you have a platform at all of any capacity, this needs to be a conversation on it. This needs to be a conversation on it. You know, it's funny, I was on TikTok. There was a girl who said, "You know, if, if, if a woman had a guy over at her house who got super drunk and passed out on their bed, and like got onto a group chat of all of her friends and was like, 'Hey, guys, um, I've got some free dick over here.
Like, so and so is passed out, come on over.' Like, women would be like, 'What in the fuck? Like, no. No thank you. Uh, I'm good.' You know? Like, yeah." And the comment section of that video was fucking hilarious, first of all. Um, but I was like la- I was like, "It's so true." And then there was another one where it's like, if a man came to a girl's fraternity, or a guy, [00:26:00] like a, a, a university kid, came to a girl's fraternity super drunk, like he'd wake up in the morning in a pink fluffy blanket with a glass of electrolytes on his nightstand.
Like, you know, all this stuff, and I'm like, it's so true. Like, women would never even think to do those things. And I'm not saying all women. There are some fucking shady, shitty women out there, but majority of women would be pulling out the pink fluffy blanket and pouring a glass of electrolytes. You know what I mean?
So I don't think that, it, it, it's, I, we're not the problem, you know what I mean? And I think that we need to definitely, like I said, educate our youngs- young kids. We need men to speak up. Women need to speak up. If you've got a platform of any size, of any place, say something. Say something that this is not okay.
I mean, I don't know how else... I, I'm not even sure, you know, besides the supporting of women in power, [00:27:00] supporting women's businesses, saying something, teaching, like, uh, if you've got other answers, please let me know. But, ah, yeah. I, I think we're just tired. We're angry. We are... We're ready for change, and I, it, what, what saddens me, it's not, it's not me that I'm worried about anymore, 'cause like, like I said, we're, we're, we are where we are.
It's, I think about my daughter, and I think about her children, and that's why I'm speaking out today, 'cause I want change for them. So there you have it. That is all. That is my rant. That is my rage. That is my message. All right, guys, until next time. Talk to you later. Bye for now.
